Hello
World. I am 22 & engaged. Pause for reaction. The transition between how
being young & married was viewed in the 50's & how it is viewed today
is the equivalent of a sociological lobotomy. Why does anyone feel it is their
prerogative to tell me that they do not think I am making a good decision,
especially a random woman at the grocery store. "Oh, wow. You are so
young. Are you sure that you are ready" (insert the "I said
something really profound, so I am going to look sympathetic because I just
turned this girl's world upside down" head tilt here). No, I'm not sure
I'm ready. That is why I said yes when my fiancée proposed, why I am wearing my
engagement ring & why I have been making wedding plans for the past 3
months. Thank you for your completely inappropriate & invasive
interrogation of my life.
The young & committed are not the only victims of the opinionated & completely out of line. It is even worse for the couple who does not want to get married or to have children. I have a few people in my life who are taking this route & it is brutal to watch the social turmoil they have to go through; explaining & justifying to the curious & judgmental why they have agreed on this "unnatural" way of life. It is my belief that these couples should just wear a shirt that says "I do not want to get married & I worship the Devil", so they can watch people squirm with the internal battle of wanting to ask about the lack of matrimonial desire, but not wanting to speak to the blatantly possessed. Why is it anyone's business if a couple doesn't want to follow in the Cleaver's footsteps? It use to be people would have kids so they would have hands on the farm & someone to care for them when they are the ones in diapers. Now, having kids is a lifestyle, not a necessity seeing as most people don't own a farm & there are fabulous retirement homes with names like "Paradise Cove" & "Prestigious Falls". Hail to the unconventional! Enjoy the excess of money you have because you do not have to spend it on diapers!
Finally, the classic, why are you single? I am not at the age where my friends are really being berated with the subject yet, but media has given me the insight I need to put together this point with some accuracy. Thanks to Bridget Jones Diary & Sex & the City, it is my understanding that everyone who is single is sad & lost. Wait. So even if someone has a fulfilling career with fabulous friends & the freedom to bonk whomever they please, they are still a pathetic little pet who needs to find that one person to make them whole. Huh. Thanks for the insight. I was under the silly notion that one of the biggest challenges for committed couples is they miss not having an anchor, they miss being the sole captain of their space shuttle (I thought sole captain of their ship was too cliché & over used. Lets see if space shuttle catches on.) I know at some point in my marriage I am going to envy the single girl who gets gang banged on the dance floor, not because I don't like being married, but because that hot mess will remind me of a part of my life I will never get back. Single people, the next time you are at a wedding & asked when it is your turn, please respond with "Gosh, I don't know. I still haven't decided if I like girls or boys yet."
The dating world is no longer one of black & white, single & married. People make their own choices based on their best judgment. The committed, like myself, find comfort in vows & babies, while the unconventional would not touch what tickles me pink with a 10 foot pole, & although the single person may want someone in the future, for now, they are enjoying the rip tide called Life. Contrary to popular belief, people are pretty acquainted with themselves & know what lifestyle fits them best. Shockingly, the nosey, overbearing "life guru" does not. So if you are said guru, my message to you is while you think that everyone wants your input on their personal lives, they really do not (insert the sympathetic "sorry you thought otherwise, asshole" head tilt).
Your,
DB
The young & committed are not the only victims of the opinionated & completely out of line. It is even worse for the couple who does not want to get married or to have children. I have a few people in my life who are taking this route & it is brutal to watch the social turmoil they have to go through; explaining & justifying to the curious & judgmental why they have agreed on this "unnatural" way of life. It is my belief that these couples should just wear a shirt that says "I do not want to get married & I worship the Devil", so they can watch people squirm with the internal battle of wanting to ask about the lack of matrimonial desire, but not wanting to speak to the blatantly possessed. Why is it anyone's business if a couple doesn't want to follow in the Cleaver's footsteps? It use to be people would have kids so they would have hands on the farm & someone to care for them when they are the ones in diapers. Now, having kids is a lifestyle, not a necessity seeing as most people don't own a farm & there are fabulous retirement homes with names like "Paradise Cove" & "Prestigious Falls". Hail to the unconventional! Enjoy the excess of money you have because you do not have to spend it on diapers!
Finally, the classic, why are you single? I am not at the age where my friends are really being berated with the subject yet, but media has given me the insight I need to put together this point with some accuracy. Thanks to Bridget Jones Diary & Sex & the City, it is my understanding that everyone who is single is sad & lost. Wait. So even if someone has a fulfilling career with fabulous friends & the freedom to bonk whomever they please, they are still a pathetic little pet who needs to find that one person to make them whole. Huh. Thanks for the insight. I was under the silly notion that one of the biggest challenges for committed couples is they miss not having an anchor, they miss being the sole captain of their space shuttle (I thought sole captain of their ship was too cliché & over used. Lets see if space shuttle catches on.) I know at some point in my marriage I am going to envy the single girl who gets gang banged on the dance floor, not because I don't like being married, but because that hot mess will remind me of a part of my life I will never get back. Single people, the next time you are at a wedding & asked when it is your turn, please respond with "Gosh, I don't know. I still haven't decided if I like girls or boys yet."
The dating world is no longer one of black & white, single & married. People make their own choices based on their best judgment. The committed, like myself, find comfort in vows & babies, while the unconventional would not touch what tickles me pink with a 10 foot pole, & although the single person may want someone in the future, for now, they are enjoying the rip tide called Life. Contrary to popular belief, people are pretty acquainted with themselves & know what lifestyle fits them best. Shockingly, the nosey, overbearing "life guru" does not. So if you are said guru, my message to you is while you think that everyone wants your input on their personal lives, they really do not (insert the sympathetic "sorry you thought otherwise, asshole" head tilt).
Your,
DB
This is the best post ever. I could comment on all of these and you probably think I'm a crazy stalker but, seriously, Dana, these are fabulous. And so what if I am a crazy blog stalker?
ReplyDeleteLove you and miss you girl
This is Great, Dana!
ReplyDeleteLauren Lo
Und now?...eight years later? You are enjoying the delights of your 3rd child, keeping up das mortgage payments und das car payments; going to das "job," that provides, hopefully, some creative outlet/input, and perhaps, STILL making love with your one-and-only-partner maybe once a month?
ReplyDeleteAh, marital bliss.
I too married at age 22. At age 27 I realized I had an "insatiable curtiosity." We divorced and I began a decades-long, I'm now 67, series of relationships (all hetero) that have, to this day, made my life (and theirs, they say) much richer.
Unaware of the term polyamorous, I was introduced to the situation when I was invited, at age 33, to move in with my lover and her other lover. She would sometimes spend the night at his end of the house, sometimes with me and sometimes by herself. That was over 30 years ago and we still have a good relationship, though no longer physical.
I hope yours has been all you imagined and continues to provide immeasurable delights.